Stacey Solomon addresses ‘biggest issue’ of marriage to Joe Swash in tense showdown: ‘Really frustrating’
Stacey Solomon and Joe Swash got caught up in a tense clash as they participated in a couple’s therapy session on the latest episode of their BBC series, Stacey & Joe.
Television personality Solomon, 35 and actor Swash, 43, often come to blows in the series, with the candid show displaying some of the cracks in their seemingly flawless relationship.
As a result, the two decided to see a therapist to help them work through some of the relationship issues they’ve been facing, particularly in light of Swash’s recent ADHD diagnosis.
They bravely allowed cameras to follow them through the session, and the conversation seemed to lead to some explosive moments between the pair – particularly when the singer noted what she found to be the biggest relationship flaw they faced.
When asked by the specialist why they’d decided to try therapy together, former X Factor star Solomon explained: “OK so, Joe has ADHD and we end up having a lot of arguments around things that Joe feels are totally out of his control, that I then don’t know how to manage or rectify or make easier.”
“So that’s why we are here,” she concluded, at which point the therapist replied: “Joe, could you tell me what you think about what Stacey’s just said?”
“So, yeah I’ve only just been diagnosed recently, so quite a late one in life,” he shared, adding: “So I think I do things differently – I’ll have a task to do and I get distracted.
“So I never finish anything which I know must be so frustrating. But in my head, all I’m doing is trying my best to do as much as I can for everybody and a lot of the time I end up pleasing nobody.”
“I understand Joe’s frustration, because he is putting a lot of effort in,” Solomon acknowledged.
She went on to added: “I’ll say, ‘Joe I really need help with this, I’m really struggling with this,’ and Joe hears that and he wants to support me but he’ll do other things that aren’t the stuff I’m asking.
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“And he’ll get frustrated because he has worked hard and he has put the effort in, but you haven’t done the things I’m directly asking you for so I’ve still got to manage those on my own.”
Affirming her husband’s positive qualities, the Sort Your Life Out presenter went on: “You’re a great dad and and you’re an amazing person, but sometimes I don’t think you can take into consideration all the fires I’ve got to put out everywhere.”
Seeming hurt, Swash responded: “I don’t even know what to say. It’s so frustrating when I feel all I’m doing is trying to dedicate myself to my family.”
The former EastEnders star shared: “I do everything I possibly can every minute of the day, and then to sit here and listen to the fact I’m a huge problem…”
“Nobody’s saying that,” Solomon interjected, but Swash argued: “It’s what you hear. I’m this huge problem in Stacey’s perfect life – I don’t hear any positive stuff about me as a person.”
“Joe, that’s a real shame that you don’t hear that, because I’ve heard it quite a bit today,” the therapist pointed out, with Swash admitting: “No, I’ve not heard no niceties.”
“I would say this is our biggest issue in our whole relationship,” Solomon noted, continuing: “Is that I cannot say anything without you taking it so personally as an attack on you as a whole person.”
“Because it’s frustrating when you think all I ever do is I try and do it for my family,” Swash clarified.
“So when I hear that’s not what’s coming across, that’s frustrating for me, it’s really frustrating!” he added, seeming infuriated.
Solomon touched on the fact that she had tried to balance the points she has made, stating: “I have caveated almost everything I’ve said with a positive, Joe.
“It’s about us working together to manage the situation, that’s what I’m here for, I’m not here to change you, I’m here to support who we are.”
The relationship expert observed: “I work with patients who have got ADHD quite a lot – I think there is some stuff that the diagnosis is exacerbating, but I do think underneath that, there’s also normal couple stuff in terms of commination, expectations.
“I think what happens is you [Solomon] say something and then I think it’s really difficult for you [Swash] to listen to that because you experience it as a criticism and once you’ve experienced it as a criticism then it’s very fast, it’s used quite defensively.”
Turning to Solomon, she analysed: “It means that you then don’t get heard,” with the mother-of-five agreeing: “I get nowhere with it.”
The therapist then probed into Swash’s childhood, at which point he shared the tragic experience of losing his dad at a young age, and in later years struggling with school being “targeted as the naughty kid,” which the specialist noted could be why the actor feels defensive around criticism.
After thanking the therapist at the end of the session, Swash told his wife he needed some time outside to get some air.
He later admitted he “hated every second” of the session, but Solomon argued she found it insightful and suggested they continue seeing the therapist.