Jeremy Clarkson, 64, forced to call on police as Diddly Squat targeted in ‘worrying’ plot: ‘Wrong’uns!’
Jeremy Clarkson has revealed he had to contact the police after his Diddly Squat farm was targeted by suspected burglars.
The 64-year-old former Top Gear host was warned by the authorities to be increasingly vigilant of the “worrying” visits from the villains.
Clarkson began his retelling of events by updating fans about the guinea fowl he had been gifted by his daughter for Christmas.
Writing in his column for The Sun, the former Top Gear host revealed they were no longer cute chicks but smelly and deafeningly loud birds.
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The din of the creatures was such that he was considering selling them off but has now reconsidered amid burglar fears at Diddly Squat.
Clarkson revealed that his farm appears to have been targeted by a group of “wrong’uns” seemingly set on pilfering from the property.
“Two weeks ago, five men in a van came into the farmyard,” Clarkson said.
He detailed that the men were seen snooping around the area and checking out the security systems.
The villains even spoke to fan-favourite farmer Kaleb Cooper, pressing him on how many dogs were present on the farm.
Clarkson immediately reported the incident to the police who revealed the number plates of the van had been cloned – suggesting the vehicle had been stolen.
The former Top Gear presenter also revealed that a drone has twice been spotted snooping around Diddly Squat in the past week – “scouting the house and the farmyard”.
The police have since warned Clarkson that it seems his property is indeed being examined by prospective burglars.
They advised the 64-year-old to “ensure our security systems are up to scratch” in the wake of the disturbing intrusions.
However, Clarkson confidently stated he had a plan to deal with the would-be theives.
Instead of investing in new fearsome guard dogs or razor wire, the former Top Gear presenter declared he would set his problematic guinea fowl on them.
“Anyone who tries to burgle us is going to have their eardrums turned into a blood-speckled gooey mush,” Clarkson promised.