Jeremy Clarkson delivers worrying update on Diddly Squat future as he shares ‘first ever’ farming disaster: ‘Shocking’
Kaleb Cooper was left to try and perform miracles solo at Jeremy Clarkson’s Diddly Squat Farm this week as harvest rolled around.
The Clarkson’s Farm duo kicked off their harvest on Monday, the same day former Top Gear star Clarkson hosted his annual Hawkstone VIP Summer Party at his pub, The Farmer’s Dog.
GB News was invited along to take in a day full of festivities, from glass engraving and cider-tasting to live music from the Hawkstone Farmers’ Choir and, of course, pints of Clarkson’s beer.
But despite being billed to appear to meet Clarkson’s guests and host his own cider tasting seminar, Cooper was nowhere to be seen, although his boss soon took to the stage to explain why.
Ahead of introducing his newly formed Hawkstone Farmers’ Choir, Clarkson explained to attendees how the first day of harvest had proven to be a rather disastrous one.
And it wasn’t just the usual enemy of the weather that proved an obstacle to the Diddly Squat team, as Cooper’s latest purchase was also providing headaches all around.
Taking to the stage on the lawn of his Cotswolds pub, the 65-year-old said: “I’d like to apologise first of all for my slightly dishevelled state.
“We began the harvest over at Diddly Squat this very morning, and set off about 8:30am, Kaleb (for) the first time ever with his new combine doing the combining!”
However, things soon went awry. “8:45am, his combine broke down. Got the combine mended and then – and this is true – for the first time in four months, it rained,” an irked Clarkson said.
Explaining how it led to Cooper having to abandon his plans to attend and leave Clarkson to arrive at the milestone event solo, Clarkson went on: “So that soaked all the oats that we were supposed to be harvesting.
“So I’ve rushed over here and he sends his apologies, but he’s sitting waiting for the moisture levels to drop so that he can get cracking because we know that we’re on for a shocking harvest this year.”
Delivering his damning prediction for the future of the farm, he continued: “I mean, if there are any farmers here, they’d tell you the same thing.
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“Last year, it was the second worst recorded ever, and we think this year is going to be even worse because it just hasn’t rained.
“That’s really what this place and this beer is all about, as you know, we are trying to back British farming.
“If you go in a pub, and they’ve got Peroni, great, they’re backing Italian farming and if they’re Italian, that’s fine… `but if they’re not, that’s just not on and we should set fire to the place,” he joked.
While the event held in the Cotswolds was the perfect opportunity to celebrate so-called “Hawkstonians” who flog his beer, it also provided Clarkson the opportunity to debut the all-new advert for his beverage.
However, in doing so, Clarkson revealed it’d been banned from broadcast by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), meaning he’d be relying on social media and the press to spread the word.
“We decided a few months ago to make a television commercial, a Hawkstone television commercial which we could show in the middle of something like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, so even in the ad breaks you weren’t deprived of me,” he quipped during his speech.
“Sadly, we made it, at great expense, great difficulty, and it’s been banned. Nobody will show it.
“We’re told by the Advertising Standards Authority that it doesn’t meet their high standards. Well, I’m going to show it to you now, and let’s see if you can see what the problem is that these people have.”
Within seconds of the Hawkstone advert, it became clear why the ASA may have had a problem with it as it contains the Hawkstone Farmers’ Choir delivering an expletive-laden rendition of a classical music number.
Spotting the chance for a joke, Clarkson said once the ad had stopped playing on stage: “Enid Blyton, I happen to know, when she wrote the Famous Five books, she described them as ‘f***ing good’.
“Nobody minded – actually, she probably didn’t. Anyway, we live in a strange world where that’s going to become a social media sensation, I imagine.”
As he wound down his speech to festival attendees, Clarkson told his guests that the team had rolled out an AI tool that would allow pub owners to create their own Hawkstone ad.
But with the worries of Diddly Squat still on his mind, he concluded: “Perhaps next year there will be some AI that will allow me not to be here and be in my tractor!
“For real, this year I have to get back, I do apologise. We’re going to be going through the night to get the oats in.”
Moments later, Clarkson headed back to Diddly Squat, but not before sharing the banned Hawkstone advert on his social media channels.
The true extent of this year’s tumultuous harvest will likely play a major part in Clarkson’s Farm season five, with filming still underway.